As an occasional writer I have often been in the place where I look for inspiration. Joanne's stroke, the days and nights in the hospital, have provided plenty of that. I think crisis brings that out in me and writing about it soothes me.
I remember my first youth group missions trip to Mexico to build houses. I flew to California and went with my uncle's youth group. I was deeply effected by the poverty and living conditions of those whom we were serving. And I remember writing notebooks full of bad poetry on the flight home about what I had experienced. I had to get it out on paper. Still do.
Hopefully I have progressed a little in my ability to express myself with the written word but heartbreak continues to get me writing.
***
Strangest conversation today. I was driving home for a quick dinner break and was making my evening round of calls to let the family and a few close friends know where we were at. So I'm talking to a someone and she says, "How was your day?" and reflexively I said, "Pretty good. I mean Joanne is still in a coma but other than that things are looking pretty good." I almost laughed out loud after I said it! Of course what I said was true--there were no crises today, Joanne inter-cranial pressure (ICP) stayed low, her life was at no immediate risk, and we didn't have to make any gut wrenching decisions. I am thankful for that--my spirit felt lifted. But of course Jo remains in a critical condition. Talk about cognitive dissonance!
As I process the day I think of two things: the first is that God's mercies are new today, even in the midst of my darkest hours. I have a wife that I love beyond description in a coma, on a ventilator, surrounded by machines, with literally a dozen bags of various IV fluids keeping her alive and yet somehow, today, it is well with my soul. Feels weird to say that but I honestly felt my sprits rise a little today as I saw her ICP number stay low and her vitals stay steady. We are no where near being out of the woods with this deal, but in the darkest woods, God is there.
The other thing I thought of: today Audrey came to visit her mom and we were walking down the hall at the ICU she said "Dad, this sort of feels normal." And she's right, but it's also so bizarre. How can something so messed up feel normal? I have only one answer that makes sense to me: a peace that comes from God that passes all understanding. That's all it can be. How can something that I never could have imagined, that almost defies words in it's badness becomes tolerable? Again, it must be God.
I have to say that honestly I don't know if I will feel this way tomorrow. I know a time is probably coming where I will wrestle with God about the "why" of all this. The whole process has been minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. But as I sit here in this chair (a very comfortable recliner) tucked away in the back of Joanne's room behind all the machines, I am completely convinced.
This may seem like over-spiritualization to some. I've had one conversation in which I articulated these thoughts only to have that person say, "But how are you really?" Like somehow these are just words that as a believer I am supposed to say, but that I don't really mean.
But Joanne's stroke is the crucible in which what I have articulated all my life as a believer is tested. Do I believe in a peace that passes all understanding? Do I believe that God's provision is enough for today? Do I believe that God's glory can shine through in the darkest of times? Do I trust? Do I have faith? Is God really even there?
Those are the big questions in the life of a believer; at least in my life. And today I choose to answer each of them in the affirmative. You see, this feels beyond bad, but in my heart of hearts I know the truth. And the truth is a resounding yes!
That doesn't mean that this situation isn't bad almost beyond my ability to withstand it, but it also doesn't mean that God has abandoned us, in fact I think it has caused him to draw near.
I am going to share something that is probably very theologically unsound but comforts me greatly: I believe that Joanne and Jesus are carrying on a great conversation right now, that somehow her soul is in communion with him while she otherwise seems to be absent of her body. I picture them together somewhere short of heaven having the most fascinating and meaningful talk. And I picture that one of these days he is going to say to her, "Precious daughter, it is time for you to go back." And at that moment, she will awake.
You are a gifted writer! I love-LOVE-your thoughts on Joanne and her talk with Jesus. Thank you for updating us on Joanne, on and your family, and you. Praying for all of you, and will continue to do so through this "marathon" you are all living.
Barb from CNY
Posted by: Barb | January 17, 2011 at 10:18 PM
Toben, such profound wisdom you have shared with us all. Thank you! I want you to know that we are still continuing to pray for Joanne. It has become a night time ritual with my kids, that we pray for God to work his wonders on Joanne and to watch over you, Audry and Emma. Take care of yourself.
Posted by: erin | January 17, 2011 at 10:26 PM
Toben...you are a gifted and Godly man. Please know that I am praying for you, for the girls and for Joanne! Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for helping us see what is happening and joining together with many in lifting you all up in prayer.
Posted by: Kelly Chipman Gandy | January 17, 2011 at 10:29 PM
Your strength is amazing Toben. You are so gifted (as so many men ARE NOT) at putting your emotions to pen...to written word. How precious these words will be to her when she can read them one day soon and see that you never waivered in your faith...you are sticking in there. Praying for your precious family at this unbelieveably difficult time.
Posted by: Kelly Wingo | January 17, 2011 at 10:32 PM
I am in agreement. I keep having this vision of her talking and laughing with God and singing and smiling. I am looking forward to hearing all about it from her.
Standing in the gap, praying for you all.
Posted by: Pam Lewko | January 17, 2011 at 10:41 PM
Wow. I think with God everything is 'normal' because He has seen it and experienced it all. Your family is going through a 'new to you' normal. I can't imagine going through it, but I believe Joanne will be healed and God will do it - the how, when & where, that's up to Him. Praying for your family, who I know through Joanne's blog as a reader for several years.
Posted by: Teri | January 17, 2011 at 10:42 PM
Dear Toben,
To read your words as a Christian, I can believe that the Lord has graced you with such a peace and yet as I sit and REALLY try to put myself in your shoes, to imagine what that peace is like, in these troubled times, even as a Christian, it IS a "Peace that passes understanding".
Our Father in Heaven is keeping your sweet Joanne, as well as you and your entire family at the very forefront of my thoughts all day every day. I KNOW that is the same for SO MANY OTHERS.
We love you all and lift you up.
Posted by: robyn | January 17, 2011 at 10:43 PM
Beautiful Toben! Thank you! Thank you for sharing and keeping us updated. I continually pray and lift Joanne, you and the girls up to the Lord through out the day! My heart aches for the trial and tribulations you and your family are experiencing. Stay strong...God is good! All my love, blessings and prayers....Denise
Posted by: Denise Arvidson From Denver Christian | January 17, 2011 at 10:51 PM
Thank you for the updates, Toben, and the inspiration of your solid faith! Thank God that we have GOD in times like these and ALL times. Continuing to pray for you all. Thank you for allowing Janna to post the info on how to help. I will be donating as soon as I'm able. God Bless you all. Praying for your miracle!
Posted by: Lori | January 17, 2011 at 10:51 PM
This was absolutely beautiful. I have no words.
Posted by: Barbie | January 17, 2011 at 10:57 PM
She is learning greek from the one who created all language:) We were thrilled to hear the good news today. Continue to pray!!!
Posted by: Tina SMith | January 17, 2011 at 10:58 PM
Excellent and uplifting report, Toben. Thank you. "Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I lift up my soul." Psalm 143:8
I will keep praying. Again, thank you.
Posted by: Michal Ann | January 17, 2011 at 11:01 PM
I am praising God for all He is doing through Joanne's stroke. He does work all things together for GOOD, according to His perfect will. We will continue to pray for God to be glorified as He brings about Joanne's healing! We're so glad that His peace is so evident and comforting right now and we'll be praying that it only increases.
Posted by: Jenn | January 17, 2011 at 11:03 PM
Awesome last part of this post.. is sooo
touching, praying for that miracle for
Joanne... And that the Lord peace is all
around you....
Thoughts and Prayers...
Trish
Posted by: Trish-Ladbug | January 17, 2011 at 11:09 PM
Beautifully said.....thank you for the updates. Still praying.....still believing!
Posted by: Julie Hoagland | January 17, 2011 at 11:14 PM
Bawling. Beautiful. That's how I decided to view Joanne's time spent 'away' earlier today. In reading her blog posts, I have very much fallen in love with your wife, Toben. So thrilled for her to wake up again very soon in His time.
Much love & prayer ....
Posted by: Jennifer (Wellette) Ekwere | January 17, 2011 at 11:18 PM
We are grateful to God for all He is providing for you, Joanne and the family. And yes, we have seen Joanne in the same conversation with Jesus this week. Continue in grace & peace.
Posted by: Brad & Kim Oaster | January 17, 2011 at 11:21 PM
Dear Toben,
I don't know you or your wife but heard about and found Joanne's blog through Angie Smith's blog. I've been following your updates and continue to pray. You may never have a chance to read this comment but in the off chance you do, I'd like to express my love and encouragement as a sister in Christ. I am one who has experienced grief many times in my life and have known the peace from Abba that makes absolutely no sense from the outside. I praise Him alone for giving you such incredible peace. Your love for the Lord and for Joanne is so beautiful. Thank you for giving us a front row seat during this most difficult season. On the days when you feel exhausted beyond words, know we are lifting up your arms.
Posted by: S Mueller | January 17, 2011 at 11:22 PM
Praying for you and your family.
Be strong. Be the rock your family needs.
Romans 12:12 "Rejoice in hope. Be patient in tribulation. Be constant in prayer."
Posted by: Peter Mayhew | January 17, 2011 at 11:22 PM
I too believe that Joanne's soul is completely alive & actively in communion with God while her body lays in a coma. Praying for His profound peace to carry you, the girls & the rest of the family & that this ordeal would soon be behind you!
Posted by: Monica Nallathambi | January 17, 2011 at 11:36 PM
I know very much what you mean. I've experienced the exact same peace when my mom was in the worst part of her battle with metastatic breast cancer. It seems like it's especially when things are so awful that God loves to pour out His peace and comfort.
In our weaknesses, He is strong - I pray He shows Himself to be the mighty and strong LORD that He is, so that you, Joanne, and your girls can all glorify Him together.
Posted by: Rachel Ayers | January 17, 2011 at 11:42 PM
Yes! I have thought the same thing. I, too, can not help but think of the wonderful time that she is sharing with our Lord right now. I can't wait to hear all about it! Joanne, you and your girls are in our thoughts and prayers everyday. Thanks for your profound and inspiring words.
Posted by: Amy | January 17, 2011 at 11:42 PM
Reading over here in Zurich - still adding my prayers to the thousands of praying brothers and sisters in Jesus, all over the world. It is a privilege to lift you up to the Father.
I love the imagine of your wife communing with the Lord. Thank you for these updates, and God bless your whole family.
Posted by: Susan | January 17, 2011 at 11:47 PM
You praise Him in the storm well, my brother. Continuing to be full of faith and prayer for your beautiful bride and my precious friend. Tarrying long at His feet. Cannot wait to hear her stories of this time communing with Jesus when she awakens. Of course, she is. I know it in my spirit. Just do. With love, Holly and all the Smiths
Posted by: Holly Smith | January 17, 2011 at 11:47 PM
That was so beautiful, really. As a person who has faith, and believes in God myself I have wondered in times of anxiety or worry too if I would handle "the worst" with such grace, and if I would have that peace that passes all understanding. I like to think I would. As my life has moved on now, I have had several very bad things happen in life, and it has been good to know that God has FOR SURE been by my side at every step, and although the times were painful to pass through, and as a human I still am sad at alot of the memories I don't blame God, and hope that I wouldn't, but just know that I live in a sinful world. And... I love the idea of your wife talking to Jesus. It could be true. When my first child was born, and she would look into the corner of the room and nothing was there and she would smile from ear to ear as an infant, I would wonder... does she see an angel? I just can't say for sure. Looking forward to your Joanne waking up too...
Posted by: Cory | January 18, 2011 at 12:09 AM
Not only do I not think that Jesus communing with Joanne right now is theologically unsound, but that is exactly what I prayed for her last night. I prayed that she would be completely healed and that right now while her mind is so shut down that her spirit is wrapped up in His arms deep in loving conversation.
Posted by: Joybird | January 18, 2011 at 12:12 AM
Toben, your words were beautiful and beautifully written. I, too, believe Jesus is talking with Joanne right now. I also believe that God has worked everything out, for you to be in Colorado during this time. How Faithful a servant you were to heed his call, when you had no job. God worked out all the details, because you are right in the middle of His Will for your life. We won't know the rest of the story until it's all played out, but I pray out to God to wake Joanne up, to heal her brain, to perform a miracle, to show everyone His Glory and Compassion. This time of trial will show you Who God Is...He Is the Great I Am...and he loves you, and Joanne, and the girls more than anyone else ever could. Your testimony in this is awe inspiring....
Posted by: Darlene Rush | January 18, 2011 at 12:35 AM
My prayers for Joanne, yourself and your family are added to the thousands more rising to the Lord today. I am in awe of your faith.
God Bless you and bring Joanne back to health and happiness when she is ready.
Posted by: Sheilagh | January 18, 2011 at 12:53 AM
Toben,
What beautiful words to describe your walk right now with the Lord. I know you are in a place where God is carrying you and your precious children and His peace and grace ARE sufficient for you even though part of you is in pain. Your testimony is a beautiful one, one that is unique, not to be duplicated. God is using everything for His glory, for I believe some of our most powerful testimonies, revelations and walks with God are when we are in the mire...only a child of God can understand that and walk in peace despite the circumstances. I am in agreement with you and it is not contrary to Biblical Scripture to believe that communication is taking place in Joanne's deep sleep. After all, the Bible PROMISES that the Holy Spirit communes with the Father in groanings that we cannot understand! What a wonderfully powerful promise that words are spoken for us when we cannot speak...how great is God's love for us! Prayers are being lifted to the Great Physician on Joanne's behalf and for the rest of your family. May God continue to carry you all in His tender embrace.
Posted by: Melissa K Hand | January 18, 2011 at 03:33 AM
Having recentley read the book the Boy who came back from Heaven your words rang true into my heart.
We continue to pray for a Miracle...and look to our Miracle working King for one.
With love to you all.
Posted by: Ruthy :o) | January 18, 2011 at 03:35 AM
Prayers continue. Your faith sustains you. And yes, ALL is well.
Posted by: Lynn | January 18, 2011 at 04:08 AM
And there, through tragic circumstances, shines the Lord! Toben, we don't know each other except through the fire that your family is walking through and the grace that God has given you to share your most private moments with countless brothers and sisters in Christ who care for you all deeply. I consider your words of "peace that surpasses all understanding" to be my blessed reassurance message from the Lord today. Hold tight to the Saviour's hand, we are praying constantly for your family.
Charlotte Skadal,
Houston
Posted by: Charlotte Skadal | January 18, 2011 at 04:34 AM
It's all about encouragement Toben. The body of Christ naturally lifts one another up in encouragement. What else would bring so many together...a wife and mom in Ohio who may never have the opportunity here on earth to meet your sweet Joanne...but she is my sister and I am in one accord with so many others to pray for you and our sister. In return, you encourage each of us Toben with your FAITH! We love to see faith in action because that's what it's all about for us.
Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the Lord’s people. Philemon 1:7
I love being a part of the family of God! Thank you Toben for sharing Joanne with us!!We will continue to lift her up in prayer!!
In His Lavish Love ~
Lori
Posted by: Lori | January 18, 2011 at 04:48 AM
Toben, thank you for sharing the update on Joanne and your walk with the Lord in this extremely difficult time. For those of us who haven't experienced something like this, we long to understand where God is? How will He carry you through this? Your words are an inspiration to all of us. I have never met you or Joanne. I had not heard of Joanne's blog until Wednesday, the day after her stroke. Yet I can't stop thinking or praying for her, for you and for your beautiful family.
Posted by: Kathleen Bensi | January 18, 2011 at 04:48 AM
I have been praying for that peace. During a rough time in our lives, I felt that peace and it is amazing! We will continue in prayer for dear Joanne and look forward to the day that she opens her eyes. May the peace of the Lord surround you, the girls, Kristen and (as I still lovingly call them) Mr. and Mrs. Friedenstien. Ok, so I most likely butchered the spelling... it has been a long time since I have written that name! :.) Love and prayers to all of you!
Lynda Seaman Hunter
Posted by: Lynda Hunter | January 18, 2011 at 04:52 AM
I first learned of your situation last week through another blog and I am praying for you and your entire family. The peace you are experiencing at this moment can only come from knowing and trusting in a Sovereign God. The world cannot understand that peace.
Your post has greatly encouraged me, as a believer, that no matter what our circumstances, He is there with us.
Posted by: Joan | January 18, 2011 at 04:53 AM
Praising the Lord for the peace that passes understanding! I am so grateful He is giving you strength to continue this blog and keep us all updated. We do not know one another but we are siblings in Christ and you and your precious wife are in my prayers daily!
For what it's worth - I've already thought the same thing about her having a conversation with Jesus right now. It makes sense to me. He did say "I will never leave you, I will never forsake you." I believe Him.
Posted by: Leslie Nease | January 18, 2011 at 04:57 AM
Toben, how absolutley beautifuly you expresseed your faith and love for Joanne. And for the record, as some friends and I were praying for Joanne on Sunday, we said the same thing about her talking with Jesus while she is asleep and what wonderful things He must be telling her!
Praying for you and also the girls as they prepare to return to school tomorrow.
Posted by: Tiffany | January 18, 2011 at 05:03 AM
Amen! Fasting and praying for your wife and your family!
Posted by: sue | January 18, 2011 at 05:06 AM
Toben- I have asked so many friends to pray for Joanne and your girls and you. This has taught me a deeper meaning of praying without ceasing. Whether I am doing the laundry, reading, grocery shopping she is on my mind. I know God is waking me up at two particular times most nights, 2:00 and 5:00 a.m. to pray for her. What you said at the end makes perfect sense to me because I believe many of us feel the same way.
Praying in Tennessee,
Patty
Posted by: Patty | January 18, 2011 at 05:12 AM
Toben~
We are all still in prayer for Joanne!
Posted by: Shana Hensley | January 18, 2011 at 05:16 AM
Toben, Thank you for sharing your faith. I don't know your family but my family is praying for you. In my quiet time one day, I got this picture that the Lord will tell Joanne to "Get up! Pick up 'her' mat and walk." John 5:8. I like the way you put wrote it, "Precious daughter it is time for you to go back." I pray it is soon so you can see her brown eyes. Blessings,
Posted by: Care | January 18, 2011 at 05:18 AM
The calm in the midst of the storm is so very peaceful. I am so greatful that you are in that place right now. May your faith continue to bring you peace and I hope you know that God is holding your family so very close. I have been there with my head on my husbands chest, listening to the vent breathe for him...I prayed so hard during those days and know those feelings of praying so hard that it hurts....but I do belive so strongly in the power of prayer. Ours were answered and i believe that in time God will answer those being prayed for Joanne...he is already. I lift all of you up. Thanks for sharing so deeply.
Posted by: Heather | January 18, 2011 at 05:19 AM
Oh, all I can say is, "Thank you!" for sharing your thoughts. I have gone through some pretty bad things in my life - but nothing yet as what you are now living through. I often wonder how I will handle it all - as a believer. Will I be different than "everyone else"? Like you said - you may feel different a day or two from now - but for now, God is giving you this peace.
And that last paragraph - just made me cry.
I pray that God continues to give you and the girls a peace that passes all understanding. And that Joanne will wake up in God's timing...
Posted by: Kristy | January 18, 2011 at 05:20 AM
My heart is heavy for your family. I have been praying constantly. Thought of you when I read this quote by John Piper "Not all sad is bad. But all bad is sad. Feeling both the badness and the sadness of the bad is the heart of holy compassion."
Posted by: Jen | January 18, 2011 at 05:30 AM
Toben, My prayers for Joanne have often been interrupted by the exact same picture of Joanne and Jesus and the others from the Hebrews Hall of Faith having deep conversations. Can you see her trying to explain Twitter and blogging to Jacob or Abraham? I've worked in a pediatric ICU and yes, it can seem very normal when you have the faith and peace that surpasses all understanding. It's when someone is on the outside of that situation looking in that it is hard to comprehend.
We are continuing to pray without ceasing.
Peace,
Kim Feth
Apex, NC
Posted by: Kim Feth | January 18, 2011 at 05:30 AM
what a beautiful tribute to your God, your faith, and your wife. Praying for your family and praying that God will give you more of those peaceful glimpses into what Joanne may be experiencing right now--I love that picture of her hanging out with Jesus.
Posted by: Rachel | January 18, 2011 at 05:31 AM
Thoughts and prayers from the frozen North.
Posted by: magsmcc | January 18, 2011 at 05:47 AM
I woke up in the wee hours of this morning and my first thoughts were of Joanne and her whole family. Someone I've never met and didn't know of before last week. The Power of the internet! (I learned of Joanne though another blog that I read.) This morning I wondered how Joanne faired throughout the night and was anxious to get to the computer to check on her...someone I don't know. Praying for a good day for you and the kids and the strength for Joanne to fight this fight and come back to you.
Posted by: aTXtumbleweed | January 18, 2011 at 05:47 AM
Amen Toben...having gone through a time with a sicks spouse not knowing if he would ever be back with us...I have experienced that peace that passe all understanding...even though it does not take away the pain (which I think is a good thing...pain is not always bad.) I also get the "new normal" too. Praying that Audrey and Emma will know the "new normal" quickly at school tomorrow. They are so prayed for...please let them know that.
I also wanted to add, having read Joanne's blog for a few years not...it is so clear that He is in sovereignty was preparing you and Joanne for this season. He has you in His hands. And you my friend were faithful as you heard God this summer and moved your family home to Denver. Your faith is of GOD.
Posted by: Kimberly | January 18, 2011 at 06:01 AM
What a beautiful post. Thank you for your willingness to share your thoughts and the updates on Joanne. Isn't God's peace awesome? Continuing to pray...
Posted by: Vicki | January 18, 2011 at 06:01 AM
As always, I'm just amazed at how God works through people! Look at how many of us who log on to Joanne's blog each day never even knew her before this happened. What the enemy meant for evil, God is using for good. Would you ever have had a chance to witness and share your faith with so many people any other way? Thank you for sharing your story so openly, not only with your friends and family, but also with strangers...those of us who now feel like friends. I will continue to keep you all lifted up in prayer as you continue this journey. And may God's incredible peace continue to surround you. Can't wait to hear it all in Joanne's words!!
Posted by: Nancy | January 18, 2011 at 06:08 AM
That post is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. So thankful for your peace and trust.
Posted by: Betsy | January 18, 2011 at 06:10 AM
This is what so many of us having been praying for you and your family- peace! Lately, over and over, I've seen God answer prayers. To Him be the glory!
Posted by: Thy Hand | January 18, 2011 at 06:23 AM
God is with you and Joanne! Your words are comforting to those of us praying for you both! I pray that peace comes and Jesus enjoys Joanne's company but releases her back to her family! HUGS to all of you from Georgia!
Posted by: Theresa Roach | January 18, 2011 at 06:23 AM
Thank you so much for sharing. It really touches me to hear how God is with you through this. I've been praying for all your family and I'm so grateful that so many of those prayers have been answered. I will continue to pray and I will be thanking God for his provision for you and your family as well.
Posted by: Tonia | January 18, 2011 at 06:23 AM
What I think of when I read your blog posts, among other things, but one of the things....is what a gift your words and thoughts of this experience will be to your wife when she is able to read them. She is going to cherish being able to read your reflections.
I am a stranger to you all. But I have been praying along with everyone else.
May God give you continued peace, strength and hope.
Posted by: Cindy | January 18, 2011 at 06:26 AM
Thank you for your sweet sharing of thoughts, prayers, reports, family moments.
I am another stranger/sister who is praying.
Our God Knows.
Pat
Posted by: Pat Layton | January 18, 2011 at 06:29 AM
Thank you for sharing all of this...I have struggled with some of these issues since I heard about your wife. I have been praying continually, even when I wake in the middle of the night. It is reasuring to know that you sense and know that God is w/you, the girls and Joanne.
Posted by: Lesa | January 18, 2011 at 06:35 AM
Oh, Toben. This is gorgeous. God is answering the prayers of thousands who are specifically asking him to draw near to you and hold you close during this time.
I'm totally with you on Joanne and Jesus. And I can't wait for him to say those words to her. Can you even IMAGINE the stories she's going to have to tell??
We love you!! We won't stop praying!! Please let us know if/when your spirits start to droop and you need extra love and encouragement!
Posted by: Marla Taviano | January 18, 2011 at 06:38 AM
Oh, the blessings of "Be still and know that I am God"...even when it wasn't our idea or plan to "be still."
Came to this the other day through two different blogs that I lurk on...I rarely comment on any, but felt like I needed to let you know that I am reading, anxiously checking updates, and praying constantly for you, Joanne, and your girls.
Posted by: Marla | January 18, 2011 at 06:40 AM
Thank you for this, Toben. And I have to tell you, I drove by the hospital last night and was moved yet again to pray for Joanne... and I felt a huge, almost overwhelming tangible presence of God surrounding her there. It was amazing. He is present... along with apparently an entire army of angels. Your dear girl is loved so much by the Father, and He is with her intimately for every single step of this journey.
Praying also for you, that the same loving God continually renews your faith and bolsters your trust in Him every morning.
Posted by: Nikki | January 18, 2011 at 06:46 AM
Late last week I was sharing my heart with a friend, about Joanne. My friend does not know her. I told her how we were all praying that Joanne would wake up and she said "Well, what if she's WITH Jesus in this coma?" So I find it comforting that you are wondering the same thing.
Continued prayers for peace, strength and healing. (in Wyoming)
Posted by: Melana Cummings | January 18, 2011 at 06:46 AM
Amazing! Press into Him, we are lifting your family up!!
Posted by: Charity | January 18, 2011 at 06:47 AM
Toben, you don't know me, but I found out about Joanne's stroke through my son who is a member at Mission church. I have been fervently praying and watching your blog everyday. This post touched me where I live because you are right, most of the time as believers, we say these things and think that we truly believe them, but do we really? You, my friend, are where "the rubber meets the road" and still you do believe them. Thank you for inspiring me to search my heart and place my faith more solidly in my Lord. May God bless and watch over you all. I will continue to pray and to read the blog, but I had to tell you that somehow, this situation has strengthened my faith. I think that you are right about Joanne and Jesus-He is comforting her and being with her. I am praying for the time when He sends her back.
Posted by: Esther in Queen Creek, Az | January 18, 2011 at 06:50 AM
When she does hear those words, she'll be blessed to come back and read words like you've shared here.
Will continue praying peace over you Toben, asking God to prepare you for the days ahead. Thank you for professing your faith so clearly and honestly! May God give you another GOOD day today!
Posted by: Gabe Taviano | January 18, 2011 at 06:51 AM
The grace, mercy, and strength of God at the precise moment of need. He is great.
Posted by: Mary | January 18, 2011 at 07:02 AM
Toben, I've been following Joanne's blog for about 1.5 years and as others have said, haven't met her or anyone in your family (besides Kristen) in person, but feel that I know her. And really, all of your family to some extent. I have felt such a burden for your family, but also felt a reprieve yesterday when I heard that the swelling had gone down.
At one time I found myself starting to pray that God had been with Joanne the moment things went wrong and that she wasn't scared. And then I had to stop myself, because I knew that God had been with her at that moment and has been ever since.
I love your picture of Joanne and Jesus having a great conversation right now as her body rests and that when it's time, she'll fully return to us here on earth.
Thank you so much for taking the time to update on here and also via Twitter. It helps to know how best to pray.
And we won't stop until Joanne is healed!
Posted by: Sharon | January 18, 2011 at 07:02 AM
Praying for Joanne, you and your daughters. This blog post was beautiful. Thank you for the updates. Will continue to pray for healing, peace, trust and rest!!
Posted by: Bethany | January 18, 2011 at 07:04 AM
Toben...the power in this testimony is the necessary measure of grace given you and your family for these days but to me? The average Jane not facing this heartache? I'm blown back. Just taken off my feet and to my knees.
When writing my prayers for your family yesterday in my journal I said...God..let their well-being be completely bound in yours. And this thing we know Father...YOU ARE WELL. because of that..it can be well with our souls." My hands are lifted even higher to Him because of your family and on behalf of it.
Posted by: lisa @ the preachers wife | January 18, 2011 at 07:05 AM
you don't know me. i found the link to the simple wife on my fb page. i will pray for you precious wife.
what a beautiful gift with words you have. you words are truly inspiring and will bless her heart greatly when she awakes.
Posted by: Wendy Pope | January 18, 2011 at 07:06 AM
Toben thank you for sharing your faith, your thoughts and your love for God. I have spent so much time in prayer for Joanne and it comforts me too when thoughts come to mind that Joanne is having a conversation with God and Jesus. I so look forward to the day she shares with us on her blog her journey. I am so thankful yesterday was a good day, I knew it would be. I am a prayer warrior on my knees for each of you in Bryan, Texas. If not on my knees on my hourly pray walk and my heart is bowed. We had a family friend (age 18) who was experiencing a similar situation as Joanne. As we prayed for Complete Healing (yes!! Praise God) someone in the family purchased a World map and begin keeping up with where prayer warriors were and had it in his room It made a profound impression on all those who saw the miracle of prayer as it happened. The girls might like this as something to encourage them, show them the love and prayers outpouring, give them something to "do" for mom. The friend just posted a request of those logging in (FB,Caring Bridge site etc) to add their location. God bless.
Posted by: yanna westmoreland | January 18, 2011 at 07:07 AM
God is walking right besides you too....very apparent. I pray for the best outcome....wish I knew you guys. I cam tell you that having shared your blog to my "friends" on Facebook asking for prayers, there have been several opportunities to begin a conversation about our Lord, Yahweh. Regardless of the outcome ( I mean that in the most loving and Godly way) You and Joanne and your story is bringing a lot of people to Christ. God bless you.
Posted by: Kathy Gatewood | January 18, 2011 at 07:10 AM
That last paragraph took me to a whole new level of tears. Oh my goodness. You are a phenomenal writer. And your love for Joanne and Jesus is beautifully evident. Thank you for continuing to share.
Posted by: ali | January 18, 2011 at 07:11 AM
Toben,
We have never met but I feel like I have known you for years. Just in the past week. Joanne follows my blog and I follow hers. Let me first say God knew exactly what he was doing when he gave you to her. As someone who has been in your shoes with my husband, I feel your pain. Sunday night we went to the hospital chapel where Joanne is and I prayed for Joanne and mostly for YOU and YOUR spirit, that God would place his hands and your shoulders and carry you through this time. To surround you with peace that can only come from Him. And I am spilling tears in my coffee this morning as I fully believe He has done just that. Praise God.
Posted by: noell | January 18, 2011 at 07:13 AM
Toben, I wanted to add I am just another Siesta and learned about Joanne and her Simple Wife blog after a Melissa posted the prayer requet on LPM blog. I too wake up during the night with Joanne on my mind and immediatly pray for her. I am so thankful for the internet because Joanne is the first site I check onto in the morning to see just how God answered our prayers. Please continue to give us specific prayer request I like specifics even though God knows all our needs, I have fun asking Him I think I make Him laugh because I can sound like a not so simple wife when it comes to Joanne and compared to Joanne! from Bryan, Texas
Posted by: yanna westmoreland | January 18, 2011 at 07:15 AM
Thank you for being real..both in your faith and feelings...still praying for miracles.
Posted by: ginny | January 18, 2011 at 07:19 AM
LORD God Almighty! What a powerful revelation God has given you, and I believe totally and fully with you concerning Joanne's walking with Jesus right now in heaven. I don't care about what theologians say! Let me tell you the man with the experience is not at mercy to the man with the argument! I shared a few days ago about a major miracle of healing I saw with my own eyes, a dear friend healed over time of a brain anuerisym that occured in the center of her brain. When she "came back" to us after several days of coma, not only was she speaking Hebrew, (which she didn't know) in preceding days she slowly began to speak English and what she told us was her experience in heaven with Jesus! That is why you are experiencing God's peace, because you know! You know! (And precious Audrey too! A little child shall lead them...) I am amazed at your ability to articulate truth. What a gift! May people begin to listen up...."for such a time as this..." I am standing in faith and believing with you and for you, Joanne, your girls, JOannes beloved parents, her sister and family all who know and love her, because Jesus paid the price in full. Isaiah 53
Ever in His peace,
Pam H.
Posted by: Pam Houston | January 18, 2011 at 07:20 AM
Toben,
Thank you for sharing. In praying for Joanne I actually had the same idea that she's having this lovely visit with God and he's just soaking up her lovely presence. I know it may not be sound doctrine but I like the idea that He just wanted to visit with you for awhile. She's going to have an amazing story to tell you when she wakes. I believe it!
Praying for you all today.
Allison Johnson
Posted by: Allison Johnson | January 18, 2011 at 07:24 AM
my soul resonates with the post. And I continue to lift y'all up to the Lord. Praise Him for his new mercies every morning!
love,
rachel
Posted by: RachWinn | January 18, 2011 at 07:25 AM
Continuing to pray here in Canada... thank you for sharing your heart and giving God praise in your TRUST in HIM in this beyond-difficult time. Thanking our God for the peace you have in this storm, for the fact there were no crisis yesterday, and continuing to call upon Him for a miracle! Praying for you and your girls especially...
Posted by: Janna | January 18, 2011 at 07:26 AM
You don't know me; I found this site through Beth Moore's Living Proof blog. I have read your wife's posts there for a number of years and know her as "The Simple Wife". All that to say, since I found out about what happened, I have followed her progress through this site. And I'm praying so hard for you and your whole family.
Your words here have blessed me so much today. Thank you. What an encouragement...... and I am believing right along with you.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
Rebecca in Oklahoma
Posted by: me.yahoo.com/a/xCSThpp1yoo8lFBeb5xNJlQQ5rmbEGE- | January 18, 2011 at 07:31 AM
Yes! Yes! Yes! "But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, "You are my God." Psalm 31:14
When our daughter was in the hospital 2 years ago I felt this roller coaster you talk about, but I held on to my faith, because I knew there really was nothing else!! So good to hear of His goodness working in your life today. Continuing to pray for you all.
Posted by: Caroline Perez | January 18, 2011 at 07:32 AM
All I can say is WOW those words were beautiful You have a way with words and I loved the post at the end that God just wanted to visit her for a while and when they are done visiting God will tell her to go back and she will wake up. Tears in my eyes and beautifully said.
Praying for you all that Godn would give you and family peace thanks for keeping us up to date.
Carol
Posted by: Carol | January 18, 2011 at 07:34 AM
Loved reading today's blog...nothing but the grace and peace of the Lord. If you have not experienced this kind of hardship, you may not understand the extent of it. My family was on a medical roller coaster for five long months...and yet God gave us all this unexplainable, all-sufficient peace, strength, and oftentimes even JOY in our faith! It is an incredible gift from our Father and I pray it sustains you and your loved ones during this time. His mercies are new every morning!! Blessings...we continue to stand with you...EXPECTING a miracle for Joanne!!!
Posted by: Kristen McWilliams | January 18, 2011 at 07:38 AM
Dear Toben,
Your words resonated with me. I sat with my daughter while she lay in a coma at the age of 7 years old. I knew that Jesus and Katie were together. I knew that I had nothing to fear, that God was all around us.
Yes, in that room with all the machines that beeped and breathed, I sat in my recliner and found that peace.
I'm praying for you and the girls, Toben, and for Joanne. Blessings!
Posted by: Maribeth | January 18, 2011 at 07:39 AM
Isn't God something? That's all I've got, really. But somehow, it's enough.
My prayers continue.
Melinda
Posted by: Melinda | January 18, 2011 at 07:43 AM
I clicked over from LMP's blog. Just wanted to you to know you are being lifted up in prayer this morning.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him so that you may overflow with joy by the Power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13.
Posted by: Mary H. | January 18, 2011 at 07:54 AM
Dear Toben,
You have a beautiful gift - you write so eloquently and the words come straight from your heart! The whole post is beautiful but I especially love the last part. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. You continue to be in my prayers. My special intentions are for all of you. I lit a candle Sunday, in her honor. Through all of this, good and bad, God is with you!! Blessings to all of you!
Posted by: Lynn | January 18, 2011 at 07:57 AM
Feeling the peace and praying it back to you — tenfold. Hang in there, Brother.
Posted by: anne elhajoui | January 18, 2011 at 08:02 AM
Wow Toben, I don't even know you but your words have captured my heart also. You have articulated exactly what I am feeling as I walk an unexpected journey also with my husband who has Alzheimer's at age 46. There is a peace amidst this crazy storm of life and it can only be God carrying us through it. Geez I may just copy and paste some of what you said into my blog, because I feel the same way. :) Praying for your girls, you, and your sweet wife!!!!
Posted by: Sandy @ Jesus and Dark Choc | January 18, 2011 at 08:02 AM
You are truly gifted...and such a tremendous testimony to God.. praying for you are yours.
Posted by: Jennifer Kittredge | January 18, 2011 at 08:05 AM
I thank you so much for this post! We are traveling a road right now that is scary and heartwretching...and I find myself praying for and thinking of your family and not thinking of my own stuff. I believe in peace that passes all understanding! I have felt it myself! Blessings and prayers to your family!
Posted by: Michelle Conley | January 18, 2011 at 08:10 AM
I pray that what is "normal" to your children will be a constant, daily, life-long walk with Father ~ in the midst of life's mundane, mystery & messes. Father is unmovable, unshakable, unwavering. What a blessing to know that even as young girls, your daughters see that clinging to the promises of God is the midst of heartache is normal.
Posted by: Deb Hash | January 18, 2011 at 08:23 AM
I heard about your wife through the LPM Blog and I am Praying for your wife, your children and you.
Posted by: Sharon in Frederick | January 18, 2011 at 08:25 AM
Beautiful!! Just wanted you to know we are still praying here in Mesa, Az. God is so good! All the time!! Keep trusting and expecting that Miracle!! Praying for that Peace, that only Jesus gives to continue getting you through the valley!
Posted by: Colette | January 18, 2011 at 08:29 AM
Occasionally throughout the day our two girls, ages 6 and 4, will stop and say we need to pray for Joanne. Our family is lifting you up and we're encouraged God is answering prayer.
Posted by: Doug and Jenny H. | January 18, 2011 at 08:30 AM
Your words were so beautifully put. I continue to pray for you and your family.
Tracy
Posted by: Tracy Stoffell | January 18, 2011 at 08:32 AM
Toben, I know that peace -- know it and remember it well as it bombarded me during dire circumstances in my own life. It is peace that absolutely defies human understanding. It comes when it should not, by earthly standards. I have been praying this for your family, and I'm so glad to know that, even though God has not lifted this burden from you, that He is enveloping you as only He can, driving the stakes of your faith deeper. My own faith is lifted. Thanks for communicating TRUTH even as you suffer. A real beacon on a hill, friend... I continue to pray...
Posted by: Karen Booker Schelhaas | January 18, 2011 at 08:38 AM
Love you for loving her Toben.
Posted by: Kristen | January 18, 2011 at 08:44 AM