No matter where I turn in Scripture, what devotional book I open, which sermon I hear, trust comes up. Every single day. It's been a lesson for me over the past six months or so, and it seems that I'm not done learning it.
There's just a whole lot for me to trust him about these days. Number one on the list? A job for Toben. If I start to think too far into the future it gets a little hard to breathe and I start to freak out. And so part of what I'm learning is that trust is an "in this moment" kind of thing.
While we were in the mountains last week and I was having my quiet time out under the trees and looking over Moraine Park toward Long's Peak, this is what God pointed out to me (and yep, it had my name in it!):
Instead of freaking out, instead of nagging Toben, instead of telling him what I think he should do, instead of complaining, instead of trying to stuff it and being gritchy with everyone around me, I can pour out my heart to God. I can tell him all about it--in that moment, in that panic, in that fear--and trust that he is listening. That he cares. That he's got his arms open and is ready to hide me, to shield me from whatever is causing me such concern.
Pouring out my heart to God--telling him all that's on my mind, all my crazy fears, all my hopes and dreams and concerns and cares--that's trust. I don't have to hold it all in, I don't have to take care of it all myself, coming up with every contingency plan imaginable.
I love the image of pouring out my heart. Because so often in the midst of emotions and fears, I don't really know what's going in my heart. In the midst, I feel confused and jumbled and uncertain and messy. I feel like everything's breaking out of whatever order there was, spilling out everywhere. And God is there, gentle and kind and waiting to receive it as it comes.
So this is what I'll be memorizing this week. What are you committing to memory this week?