It's Saturday, probably around 10 a.m.. For the last hour I have been thinking that I need a drink. I mean really, really need a drink. There is no more vodka in the garage, hidden in the back of the shelves of car care products and cleaners. So I drive to the liquor store over on the 101, making some excuse to Joanne as to why I need to step out. Myabe I am going to Juanitas for machaca or down to Cardiff to check out the surf. Or maybe I give no excuse at all and simply walk out.
It's not so much a liquor store as a corner market/sandwich shop sort of place. But they have what I need. I buy a couple of 24 ounce beers, but not regular beer. It's the high alcohol content (8.1%), get-the-job-done-fast sort of beer. I drive just up the hill to the little parking lot at Grandveiw. Can't see the beach that lies just below, but I can sit in the back corner of the lot and drink these beers in peace. The window is down and the smell of the air is incredible, like no air I have ever smelled.
I drink them very fast. I have developed an ability to drink all 24 ounces in about a minute. Literally. So I take a couple of minutes and down these two. Becasue of the high alcohol content I am able to ingest the equivlent of a six pack, plus a couple, just like that. To be honest, they taste terrible. I shudder after I finish each one, like you might do with some nasty tasting cough syrup. There is nothing enjoyable about the expereince. But what comes next is what I crave--my extremities start to feel a little warm. The top of my head starts to buzz, feels light. My vision gets a little blurry. I sink back into the car seat and soak in it.
The best part: my mind goes quiet. All the noise, all the anxiety all the craziness seems to slip away. Nothing but the buzz. I walk over to the trash can and toss the emties. The trash can is important because I can't risk throwing out the cans at home. Might get caught. And if I get pulled over having empties in the car won't help. Of course if I get pulled over I'm going to jail anyhow. Who cares. I drive home, the effects of the alcohol increasing. By the time I pull into the drieway I am drunk. Just what I want to be. I enter the house through the gate and the back door. I walk into the house, say a quick hello to Joanne or the girls or whoever is in my path and I disappear into bed, to sleep, to peace.
Change the detials. Repeat daily.
