Toben: Reboot

I turn 40 at the end of this summer and I couldn't be more excited about it.  I hated turning 30 but for whatever reason 40 sounds cool to me.  Feels like the official midpoint of my life and as much as anticipating that is causing me to look backwards at what got me here, I am having a lot more fun looking forward to where we'll go next. So I'm taking advantage of the opportunity to reboot my life.

On the Mac you reboot when you get the spinning rainbow of death.  At least I do.  I am sometimes too impatient to wait for whatever is going on to resolve itself so I just start over. I feel like my life has been that rainbow wheel for the last few months; like there are things that needed to be resolved that just weren't happening.  So I hit the power button and here we go!

The big thing is that I have resigned from Mission to move back to Denver. Believe it or not, I got a word from the Lord a couple weeks ago (this never happens to me). He told me that I'm not good at what I was trying to do and that that was OK. I didn't have to keep striving to achieve success when I am really not gifted in the areas required to achieve that success.  He filled me with confidence and since resigning I have had a sense of peace about the whole thing.

The tough part is that we have dearly loved Mission and the friendships that have sprung up from there.  The people are amazing and we have been fortunate to have the opportunity to connect with so many of them.  Each of those friends will be missed. There are a couple of relationships in particular that make moving especially difficult--friends that are more like family. But when I heard God's voice I took it seriously and sprang into action.

Aside: I have a tattoo that reads: Jump First, Fear Later.  That has so defined the last couple of weeks--God said jump and I did.  I am sure the fear will come at some point, but right now I am just reveling in the fact that I am in his will for our family.

The good part is that the reboot is taking us back to the last time/place we were really content.  Some of our very best years as a family occurred in our yellow house in Willow Creek.  We were close to Joanne's folks which is a huge deal to me.  We had a house that we loved that was a reflection of who we are as a family.  We had the girls in a school that was fantastic.  We had a church home.  Joanne was in seminary and loving it.  I have wanted all that stuff back, and God has moved in my heart to make that happen. We had good friends there too.

Another big deal: Joanne's sister and her family now live over by us.  The girls will get to grow up with their aunt, uncle and cousins! I can't imagine anything much better than that.

Joanne has already registered for a seminary class which thrills me.  My goal is for Joanne to be able to pursue her studies the whole way to her doctorate.  She is so gifted and loves to learn more than anyone I have ever met.  Being in seminary is a good and right thing for her that God is going to use in some amazing way.

At the girl's request we will continue to homeschool. The only difference is that we will have family around to help out from time to time.  The girls are excited for Papa to do their science experiments with them. 

I need a job.  That will be the main stresser in this whole transaction.  But I have faith that God knows exactly where he wants me, so I will hustle to find something but I will also trust him and be listening for his voice.

So the reboot is on.  The screen has lit up, the desktop is appearing but the screen saver is different than what was up there before.  And the files are a bit rearranged.  And there are a couple of new programs in the dock. It's still my life.  It's still my family.  It's still my walk with God. But it's a whole bunch of change too.  I couldn't be more stoked!

I feel like I got an early birthday present from God: a chance to hear his voice.  I love that.  Thanks God!

I could write a whole other post about all the little things that happened and didn't happen to make this move possible. But I'll leave it at the fact that God has has directed for months to get us into this place.  He is a God of order and I can see it all laid out behind us now.  He has moved to make this just the right thing.

Comments

[Holly @ Crownlaiddown]

God is with you, mighty warrior. And He is going to be with you.

And me? I'm really excited, for I have a hole in my life that y'all filled. Not co-dependent, just a friendship hole that has been missing the Heim family very much.

[No. 17 Cherry Tree Lane]

Toben,
I'm praying for you and the family during the transition. I know God will lead you somewhere that will appreciate you and your abilities.
My love,
Rachel

[Holly B.]

Praying from Paris for the Heim family!

[Kim Feth]

Awesome perspective! I'm sending up prayers for packing and jobs - probably the two most stressful parts of this (at least, in my opinion).
Peace,
Kim Feth
Apex, NC

[Lee Ann]

I have been following your family on Joanne's blog The Simple Wife. Just reading this today makes it perfectly clear...... Our God knew exactly what you would need in 2011 and He gave you an instruction to move and move you did. Cannot imagine what life would be like for you and your family if you were not close to family. LOVE how GOD knows it all!!! Literally!