Our counselor gave us a little insight/piece of advice a few weeks ago that seemed really simple, so simple in fact that I almost missed it. I think I wrote about it in my last post but its significance warrants another post. She told us that we need to dream more, to put something out in front of us that we can look forward to. Seemed pretty simple but as we have done it it has become a bigger and bigger deal.
My deal has always been to look forward to days that won't suck, or in more technical language, to the cessation of pain. I pick a point out in the future where I feel like things might not be as bad as they currently seem. And then I hold on for dear life for that day, to arrive. Of course that day comes but the relief never last long. My brain always jumps forward to remind me that even though today might be OK, tomorrow is going to bring a whole new set of problems for me to worry about. This is not a fun way to live.
So we have started putting fun stuff out in front of us, things that we can look forward to each day and then even bigger things months in the future that we can really, really look forward to. So each day when I wake up I pick a thing that I am looking forward to in the day. Maybe it's a little time at the golf course with Emma. Maybe it is a trip to the pool with Audrey. Maybe it is running errands just Joanne and I. I just pick some minor thing and tell myself, "This is the thing I am looking forward to today." Then, when the regular stresses and struggles of the day arise, I center myself by remembering that something good is coming.
May seem minor, but it is working. I find that it is giving me a boost. On top of that, almost always the thing I am looking forward to has something to do with my family. I'm not looking to be off by myself somewhere but to being with Joanne or the girls. They are the source of such solace and peace and energy for me and getting to look forward to the fill-up that comes with spending time with them is great.
Of course it has been nice to have some big things to look forward to as well. There are three: our trip to Denver this summer, my 40th birthday, and some sort of vacation in September to use the timeshare week that Joanne's parents gave us. It's been so fun for me (and I think for the whole family) to look forward to these things and plan and dream about what that time can hold for us.
I think this has made an impact on Joanne's life as well. She is a list girl, writing down pages of stuff tat she hopes to accomplish every day. But not much, if an of that stuff is fun, restful, restorative or energizing. It's almost all work of one sort or another. So I encouraged her to build in a little time to just do something that she really wants to do. And I have seen her do it! Yesterday she actually laid down on the couch and read a book for an hour! That NEVER happens. I was so proud of her!
So I guess that's about it: looking forward to something good and fun that we can dream about instead of focusing only on the tough stuff that comes with living in the world. It is changing stuff for me and for the family. Give it a try and see if it works for you!
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