Joanne: Thursdays at 3 o'clock

Or at 2 o'clock, as the case may be. It changes from week to week. That's the time we're going to counseling each week. It's been good. And here's why.

It's a safe space to talk about some things that we might feel uncomfortable talking about just the two of us.

That may sound funny. In fact, it looks a little funny. Makes me think, Why in the world would we be uncomfortable talking about something. This is us! But there are those conversations that are somehow easier to have in the presence of someone else, with someone else asking the question.

Case in point: Our counselor asked Toben about my teaching Bible study, about my schedule this past spring, about my getting a lot of attention at church as a result of teaching. And he said he was jealous, that he resented it a little. Something I suspected, something he denied, something we just didn't quite get down to the heart of as we talked just the two of us.

I don't have to be the one to do all the talking.

Maybe it's because I'm the woman, maybe it's because I'm me and Toben's Toben--for whatever reason, I do a lot of the talking in our relationship. As we sit in the counselor's office each week, someone else does a lot of the talking. I have the freedom to sit back and listen and trust that she's going to ask Toben some things and I get to just be quiet.

Please don't think I'm saying Toben never talks. He does! He just talks more when I'm not talking. :) And so this is good.

It's another place to talk about some things that often get pushed to the bottom of the list.

Our morning meetings are huge for this. In fact, I was just telling someone the other day about how much I love our morning meetings. That it gives us time each and every day to talk about the stuff we have to talk about--calendars and to do lists and children and so on--but because we make the time, there's also time to talk about dreams and hopes and feelings and ideas.

Counseling is another place we can step back and look at the way things are and dream about the way we want them to be. And a counselor helps us figure out some practical--and realistic!--steps to get there.

It gives us some perspective.

In the midst of crisis, in the midst of stress, I have a hard time stepping back and seeing things in perspective and clearly. This helps me do that.

***

Yes, counseling takes time. Yes, it costs money. And yes, it's worth it.

Comments

[Cindy Beall]

What I love about you two is that you are in the thick of it. In the middle of the pain. You aren't waiting to talk about it when you are "all better" and "through it."

Challenges me to do the same in regards to my eating struggles.

Love you both.