The Simple Wife

Spiritual Mothering: Chapter 11

 "Our pain has purpose."

Part of the hope of the gospel that we hold out to the world is that our pain has purpose. We don't go through hurt and trials and sorrow for nothing. God, in his infinite goodness, doesn't just erase our heartaches so they never happened, but turns them into something used for our good and for his glory.

Our deepest pain becomes something beautiful. That's redemption.

1. "Women have told me that they seek out support groups away from their churches because they can't bear to risk exposing their pain inside their churches" (page 159).

If anything, the church should be a place where we feel safe to share our hurts, knowing that we will find comfort and encouragement among God's people. Each one of us can help make our churches a safe place as we are courageous to go first.

In a small group, the first person to answer a question often sets the tone for the conversation that follows. If we respond glibly, at a surface level, others will most likely follow the example we've set.

It can be scary to go first. To answer honestly when someone asks, "How are you?" To not say we're fine when the truth is that we're anything but fine.

We need wisdom to do this well. Because it's not always the time or place to dive deep. But in those situations where it is the time and place, how can you commit to being honest and real in your relationships with other women at church? How can you foster vulnerability and safety to hurting women around you?

2. The women at the cross give us a good example of the power of presence. They didn't have the right words, didn't have a handy solution. "But they were there...[they] stayed to the end" (page 162).

Do you have an example in your own life about the power of presence?

3. Hunt offers practical steps to developing comforting skills beginning on page 163. Study. Speak. Stick. 

How can you begin to develop these skills even this next week? Is there someone in your life who needs comfort? How can these steps help guide you in comforting her?

4. Anything else to add?

A little break

Today is full. Laundry and housecleaning and a few errands and a haircut. School and packing.

Not to mention getting dressed up and going to see Little House on the Prairie tonight. Melissa Gilbert is playing Ma. And did I mention it's a musical? I love musicals! And LHOP! And the theater!

Toben and I are headed up to the mountains tomorrow morning until Monday night for our weekend of counseling. 

I'm not sure what to expect and am swinging between dread and longing. I trust it will be good. I'm certain it'll be hard. And I really, really don't want to spend the weekend crying, but have a feeling I just might. I've felt a little (okay, a lot) raw this week and have yet to really get it all out.

Your prayers wouldn't be wasted.

My laptop is staying behind, though I've set the Spiritual Mothering post to publish automatically. I'll be back Tuesday...

Be still

All day yesterday, I kept hearing that little voice telling me to be still. 

"Be still."

I'm not very good at being still. For moments, yes. Early in the morning, yes. But in the midst of a day with lots to be done, in the midst of emotions swirling around and dragging me along? Not so much.

I love the idea that God will fight for me. But I find myself setting limits and windows of opportunities for him to act, and then wanting to charge ahead on my own again when the time's up. 

"Be still."

Someone said to me the other day that a powerful racehorse is most powerful when it's bridled. 

It's been a while since my horse-y phase. That was junior high school and English riding lessons, days spent at the barn in the Yorkshire Dales, grooming horses and shoveling muck and polishing saddles. Then a lull and another couple of years of horsiness before Audrey was born with more riding lessons, cute jodhpurs, a cantankerous horse, and an obsession with really lovely riding boots.

Anyway, the image stuck with me.

That's what being still felt like yesterday. Wanting to run. And being held back. Wanting to race ahead of myself. And being checked. A mind filled with thoughts in a whirl, spinning with every "what if" and "then what." And hearing a voice say, "Be still."

I want to learn to listen to that voice. To take heed. To rest in it. To wait for the command to run before I go racing off--heedlessly and in the wrong direction.

"Exactly."

I talked to a friend yesterday who's feeling like so many of us. (Thanks for all your comments on Monday's post. Amazing how many of us are feeling the same sorts of things, isn't it? Is it this time of the year, do you think? Have we all had PMS this week? Is it in the water?)

Anyway. The circumstances are somewhat different, but she and I are feeling so many of the same things. We've had our feelings hurt, we're feeling unappreciated and taken for granted. Feeling like we gave something only to have it tossed aside. Left wondering what it means. What to do. Wanting to lash out, lash back. Holding out, holding back. Waiting. Asking. Praying. Questioning.

And in the midst of our conversation, she said, "Exactly." 

What a gift to have someone understand and know. To get it. To accept it.

Exactly.

And in offering hope and encouragement to each other, we both said some things to the other that were exactly what we needed to hear ourselves. The kind of things that you say and then think "I didn't want to hear that!" because it hit a little close to home.

And then something freaky happened. 

A verse popped into my head from nowhere (well, not from nowhere, from God really, but totally out of the blue). So I said, "This verse just popped into my head." And she said, "I don't mean to freak you out, but EXACT THE SAME VERSE popped into my head right before you said that." And then we both got goosebumps.

Stand firm and you will see
 the deliverance the LORD will bring you today...
 The LORD will fight for you,
 you need only to be still.
Exodus 14:13-14

Exactly.

Comments and codes

So I changed the thing where you have to type in a code in order to leave a comment. It's annoying and I figured I'd take it off to save everyone the hassle.

But in the days since I've done that, I've received LOTS of spam comments. Some caught by Typepad, others I've received.

And so the comment moderation code thing-y is back on. Sorry! I hate it as much as the next person, but I'm getting tired of deleting spam comments.

Do you get spam on your blog (if you have one)? Do you use the comment moderation thing? Do you dislike typing the code like I do?

Inquiring minds want to know...

Monday.

Oh my.

We've had the last two weeks off from school--Thanksgiving and then Emma in NYC (remind me to post some of her pictures--she's her Aunt Kristen's niece and took a ton). So this morning, we're getting back in the swing of it.

Along with laundry. And menu planning. And grocery shopping. And how all that's going to get done well and with a happy attitude, I just don't know.

One day at a time. One thing at a time. Help, Lord, help!

I'm struggling.

With all that feels like it needs to be done. With feeling behind in our schooling. With my attitude. With feeling unprepared for Christmas. With feeling like a friend has tossed me aside. With missing my home. With uncertainty. With PMS. With missing seminary. With not being crafty. With feeling lonely. With feeling whatever it is I'm feeling about the weekend of counseling with Toben starting on Friday. 

With wanting to wallow in it.

And with wanting to tell myself to buck up and get over it and just be happy already. Cheesh!

The head and heart thing gets me every time. What I KNOW versus what I FEEL. Anyone else?

And the thing is, I feel like I know all the right things to tell myself. I know what I'd say to someone else struggling with this. I know what I have said to others struggling with this. And I've said those things to myself over and over again. 

And yet it's just plain HARD.

But I wallowed yesterday and it didn't really get me anywhere. Nothing changed and, in all honesty, it wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. In fact, it was pretty miserable. Not to mention that it had an effect on my whole family.

So what comes suddenly to mind is this (which makes me think it's a totally God thing):

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him." I can choose to trust God anyway and praise him anyway and let him worry about changing my heart. 

Yet. A little word. (And one that sounds funny if you say it too many times in a row.) But one that sums it up well. It wouldn't be the same if it just said "for I will praise him." That makes it sound easy and nonchalant. A given, a natural.

That "yet" is encouraging to me because it acknowledges the struggle in it, the tension, the overcoming and determination required.

At some point, it comes down to rugged obedience. Doing what I know is right whether I feel like it or not. One step at a time. And letting God work out the rest.

Off to go tie up my running shoes, turn the music up loud, and praise anyway. One step at a time.

 

This week the girls and I are going to start working on Psalm 19 again. Reviewing the first eight verses (since we haven't done that for the past two weeks!) and adding three or four more.

What about you?

Spiritual Mothering: Chapter 10

"A woman who has not dealt with the hurts in her life and forgiven those who have offended her will have roots of bitterness and anger that will render her ineffective in entering into a nurturing relationship with a younger woman to encourage and equip her to live for God's glory."

Anyone else challenged by this chapter? There were many things I underlined, lots of helpful information, and gobs of truth in this chapter. Some of which made me nod my head in agreement, some of which made me wince a little as it struck home.

One thought that came to mind was this: We forgive others, knowing we have also been forgiven. And part of being aware of our own need for forgiveness involves the practice of confession and asking for forgiveness.

It's not comfortable, but as Jesus said of the woman who washed his feet with her tears and dried them with her hair, "She who has been forgiven much loves much." 

It can be a hard prayer to pray, but asking God to make us more aware of our sin prompts us to confess and seek forgiveness. And the result is loving God more. Which frees us to love others more.

1. What stood out to you in the story of Abigail? Why?

2. Abigail "had to live a life of daily forgiveness to maintain her sanity and her faith" (page 147). How is this true in your own life?

3. In your own words, describe why forgiveness is essential in spiritual mothering.

4. Anything else you want to add?

Advent

Just popping in to give you a quick link for all my Advent posts from the past. And here's a link for a bunch of Advent resources in my bookshop at Amazon. (It doesn't cost you any extra and I earn a little extra pocket money if you order through my shop there.)

Saturday morning cartoons

When we were kids, Kristen and I would get up early on Saturday mornings, head to the downstairs family room, turn on the TV, and watch cartoons while Mom and Dad slept in. 

Super Friends (my all-time favorite), the Smurfs, Schoolhouse Rock, Scooby Doo, Tom and Jerry, Bugs Bunny.

"Wonder Twin powers activate!" Okay, got that out of my system!

Seems like Saturday morning cartoons aren't as big a deal these days. Maybe it's because there's ALWAYS something on TV for kids, and so that Saturday morning cartoon time isn't unique like it was.

What about you? Did you watch Saturday morning cartoons? What was your favorite?

Perfect turkey. Every. Single. Time.

I love turkey. And I have to say, it's easy as pie to roast one to perfection. Easier than pie, actually. No basting, no checking on it, no burning--just perfectly browned, moist turkey. Every single time.

Here's my fool-proof recipe, thanks to my mother.

Perfect Turkey

Whole roasting turkey, whatever size you want
Disposable foil pan
2 paper grocery sacks
Vegetable oil

 

1. Prepare your turkey how you usually would. I put mine in the foil pan, rub with olive oil, season with salt and pepper and herbs (I like sage, rosemary, tarragon, thyme, lemon pepper). Not to mention a big spoonful of chopped garlic inside the turkey or under the skin. And maybe an onion half or two. And perhaps a lemon. Whatever I have, really! This year I poured a couple of cups of white wine into the turkey too. It made the gravy amazing.

2. Slide the foil pan into a paper grocery sack from one end, then into another so the open ends of the bags overlap. Clip shut--either staple it down to the foil pan or use binder clips. Both work.

3. Rub the bag with vegetable oil--on the top and sides.

4. Place the whole thing onto a cookie sheet.

 

5. Cook according to the turkey package directions. (Check before you throw away the wrapper!) Whatever temperature they say for however long the weight of your bird requires. Set the timer and leave it alone. Take a nap, a bubble bath, read a book, or make the rest of your meal.

6. When the time is up, cut the bag open and be amazed. A beautifully browned, perfect bird. Not dried out, but moist and delicious and perfect. Every single time. Scouts' honor!